Major events

Being a busy mom balancing your work, home and children including homework, after school activities, friendships and meals (why do they need to eat so often?) means that life is full. Very full.
It's hard to be considerate of others, to remember to call friends in their birthdays or to commemorate important events in their lives. Friendships are not the same once you have kids. There is a lot less time to together. One friend may have kids, the other may be unmarried, one may be working full time, another may be a stay at home mom.
It can become difficult to relate, to keep track and to stay in touch.
Friends need to be there for each other anyway. Call when a major event occurs... good or bad. I really try to at least text to follow up after a big job change, a death in the family or a new baby. Acknowledgment and thoughtfulness around major events replace the day to day interactions I once had with my friends.
It's not personal, it's just practical. That's why it's so important to follow up with friends, celebrate big milestones and talk about the little things when you get the chance.
Sending good vibes to all my friends (and family) who may fall into this category.

Each One is Precious

It has been well over a year since I posted on this blog. I believe everyone should own his or her own domain name so I've kept the blog live but have not been writing.
I am now on maternity leave after giving birth to my 5th child, Nava. She is delicious and yummy and well behaved. I find the greatest challenge to be balancing dinner, homework, bedtime and maintaining my patience with the older kids after caring for the baby all day. Of course being sleep deprived does not help one bit. We are adjusting and it helps that the other kids are older and can help. They hold her when I need them to (bathroom breaks, bedtime for the little ones, etc.) and bring me supplies like diapers, wipes and clothes. The big kids love to hold Nava and are very responsible.
I have had a hard time adjusting to getting out of the house: packing up the baby, timing our outing with feedings, buckling her into the car seat and using the stroller again. I feel like every trip is an effort where it was previously effortless. We took our first "class trip," which means a family outing, to the library on Friday. We laughed that now we are the crazy family with five children, the couple you see struggling to balance the needs of all the kids. Trying to give each one the attention he or she needs...
I hope we can balance it all! Each one is precious!
Remind me that next time I am in the middle of homework.

Jewish Women Speak

I have never done anything quite like this, but I've joined group of Orthodox Jewish women who write about relevant topics or questions presented to the group and share via their blogs.
I will eventually host one of these here for my readers (it's a round robin type initiative), but in the meantime, if you're interested in my opinions, which I dole out often, head over to Rebecca Klempner's blog.
The topic at hand is how much we, as Jewish women, engage in pop culture.

Orthodox Women Talk: Roundtable about media consumption: READ ALL THE RESPONSES INCLUDING MINE BY CLICKING HERE.

Let me know what you think!

New Chapter

I am moving on and accepting a new role in a nonprofit! I have enjoyed my year working from home. I wish working from home could be the norm! I am however really looking forward to the new challenge ahead. My new job (which is part-time) utilizes my skills in management, communications and development in a nonprofit where I can be part of helping others and improving lives. I am not going to go into detail here on the position before I even start... You'll have to ask me personally for more details. The one thing I will say is that I am already surprised by the team feeling and collaboration within the new organization and I look forward to working in a place that values its staff above all.

My journey is just beginning but I think this is a good  move personally and professionally. Wish me luck!

The Rarity of Terror: A Mother's Perspective

When bad things happen to us (terrorists strike, illness, death and tragedy), moms and dads have to weigh what and how much to tell their children. Our children will react according to their own levels of undertanding and their developmental ages. 

When my kids were younger, they were none the wiser. I did not tell my children anything. As they have grown, however, I now take care to be the first to tell my children about current events that apply to them, especially when it's big enough that they will hear about it in school. This morning I found myself telling the kids about the terror attack in the Synagogue in Har Nof, Jerusalem.

One rule of thumb that I have learned from various sources (organizations, psychologists, parents) is to explain to children that what occurred is "RARE." It is uncommon and unliekly to happen to them. Children who are approximately 6 and older can comprehend the concept of COMMON vs. RARE. Teach your kids they are safe because this is RARE and far from home.

I struggle with weighing the rarity of these terror attacks. 

9/11: See that building just over the river? Terrorits flew into that very site. Why? I cannot explain evil. Yes, it was in New York City where your father and grandparents work. No, it is RARE and won't happen again.

Boston bombing: At a Marathon finish line. Not Daddy's New York City Marathon, which Jeremy ran several times, but a different Marathon in Boston.

Palestinians driving onto train platforms and waiting areas: Cars, children, a baby flung from her stroller!

Har Nof Terror Attack: Men praying peacefully on a regular morning at a local synagogue. Synagogue - not ours, a different one in Israel. Someone else's daddy. Many children remain bereft. Only a block from where Mommy lived for a year when she was your age (second grade).

How RARE are these occurances? 

There are so many more examples but I prefer not to think about them, about how close to home they hit. Guns, axes, construction vehicles, babies, daddies, friends.

How can we claim that terror is RARE?

May G-d bring us comfort and peace so that we no longer have to explain the atrocities of this world to our young children.

The Missing One

Where have you gone?
Why so soon?
I barely got to enjoy your presence.
Your softness. Your comfort and support.
Why did you disappear, leaving me so desperate?
I've searched for you, high and low.
To no avail.
You cannot be replaced. You have left me incomplete, desolate.
My drawer pines for you, the match.
One lone sock.

Camp Lavitt

This summer, we have 2 full weeks between camp and school. My 4 children are home with me while I attempt to work. We are going to go away the second week, but the first week is a real challenge because I have work to do. So I invented a strict but flexible schedule of activities to keep the children busy each day.
Each activity lasts for one hour and all the children must participate. If there is any fighting, the culprits will sit out for the remainder of that activity, Lunch and swim are a major part of the day!
We might have spent more money buying the toys, games, crafts and equipment for Camp Lavitt than it would have cost to send them to an after camp program!
I appreciate that the kids understand that they can entertain themselves at home, together (with supervision of course!) and without fighting.
We have activities that each of the children enjoy. When I say the schedule is flexible, I mean that if the kids are enjoying one activity, they can continue into the next hour, or if they choose to switch one day's plan with another, no problem, as long as they all agree.

Here is the sample schedule for Camp Lavitt:

On Friday, during baking, we were very productive! I of course supervised each child's recipe and Tzvi (5yo) and I worked together. In just one hour, we made 24 carrot muffins, 18 zucchini muffins from our home-grown zucchini, 2 pans of blonde brownies and 4 children's challah rolls. They were such a help with my Shabbos preparations!

Here are our baking results!

Looking forward to the rest of the week! I hope it goes smoothly!

TELL ME: What have you done to keep children entertained over the summer?

Night Camp... Say What?

RING, RING...

ME: Hello?

HER: Hi, my name is [who knows?] and I am making a night camp for girls going into 4th and 5th grades.

ME: A Night camp?

HER: Yes, night camp. From 6:30-8 pm.

ME: No thank you, we have bedtime.

Am I crazy? Night camp so my child can be out later than her bedtime or perhaps get home right before she is expected to go to sleep? We have bedtime and we wind down before it. A child who is in a full summer camp program is exhausted at the end of the day. I cannot imagine sending Arielle to night camp so she will be even more exhausted.

On top of that, at 6:30 I am home alone with 4 kids. Even if I wanted to send my eldest to night camp, the younger 3 have to take baths, get in to pajamas, brush teeth and get songs and stories for their 7 pm bedtimes. How could I even consider dropping everything to drive Arielle to night camp?

You may say this program is good for some parents. Maybe they don't have bedtimes, younger siblings, spouses that work late, dinner to prepare (did I mention that I have to cook dinner?)... I just don't know who the market is for this particular program.

NEVER MIND how upset I am about the fact that the school must be distributing class lists because I get calls throughout the year about this camp and that camp for kids just my child's age... HOW DO THEY KNOW?

I will tell you that I have benefited from these camps in the past such as on Jewish fast days and between camp and school, etc. I still resent the fact that the school is giving out proprietary information to local teenagers.

So, I will not be sending any children to night camp. But thanks for calling!

Testing: Stay at Home Mom

The last time I wrote here I was gainfully employed and relishing in what I considered to be a very successful 2013. A lot has transpired since then. On Dec 31, I lost my job and was thrown into the world of SAHMs aka stay-at-home-moms.

I have never been a stay-at-home-mom before. I was excited to test it out: to stay home with my 2 year old daughter Siri, to be home when the older kids got home from school, to be calm for homework, dinner and bedtime and to finally tackle all those pesky home organizing projects!

Here are a few key lessons I learned during this time:

1. Loading and unloading a toddler into the car makes every trip take double the time. DUH! I still enjoyed getting out and bringing Siri with me but of course my errands took longer (including carpool).

2. Laundry is never finished and can consume your life. Especially when there are 6 of you! I still have baskets to put away.

3. Homework and bedtime is never stress-free even if you were home all day long!

4. SAHMs are busy, which of course I knew already. There is never a dull moment and the only time you have to accomplish anything is during baby's nap time. But you want to nap too!

5. The home organizing projects are endless and you cannot even tackle many of them because you can only work during baby's naptime (see #4 above) and laundry is never finished (see #2 above).

6. I now fully understand the feeling of upending routine and the uneasiness that comes along with it. Children are affected by this and express anxiety in various ways. Adults are affected too, but it is perhaps more subtle. We all had to adjust to a new situation and new routines.

7. Dinner can be ready on time if I am home!

8. Doctors' appointments and quick errands are SO much easier when I can go during the day. It is much easier to have a flexible schedule during the week. It also makes the weekends calmer.


I am grateful for the opportunity to spend more time with my children and to be able to appreciate my time at home. It has really been a blessing and I look forward to working on a brand new endeavor (coming soon!) that will allow me to continue to be available for my children and my home.

2013

My 2013 was full of family and friends. I strengthened relationships and worked hard to maintain treasured friendships.

I made time for the important things in my life including my beautiful children of course. I watched them mature and grow into real kids. They are no longer my babies. Okay, the two year old is still a baby but she talks and babbles and plays like the others.

In 2013 I resolved to eat healthier, exercise more, and take care of myself. It's a work in progress but I'm proud to say that I am already seeing positive results.

This year I organized some of my home. I established lunch and dinner schedules for my children, routines for homework, and special storage systems for toys, shoes, and knapsacks that make life simpler.

I focused on giving, welcoming a guest into our home when she needed a place to stay. I believe my experience taught my children what it really means to help others and share what we have.

My family enjoyed the outdoors for three days of camping and activities. We would have been better off without sleeping in the rain! 

Professionally, I am proud to say that I planned a $3.5 million fundraising event replete with shtick - a red carpet and a flash mob! It was a real hit.

I launched jCreate, an online Jewish crafting community along with my good friends Abbey Wolin and Mirel Goldwasser. I might have participated in one too many Google hangouts. But the work has paid off!

I joined the world of snapchat and obsessed over the selfies. I got to share a lot more with my cousin and her adorable dog Marty.

I hosted several birthday parties, attended many more, and enjoyed the holidays with family.

There is so much to be thankful for and my year has been very busy and fulfilling. I'm looking forward to greeting 2014!

Tzvi is Shabbos (Shabbat) Abba!

Tzvi is Shabbos Abba!

I really like the concept of Shabbos Abba (father) and Shabbos Ima (mother). Virtually all Jewish preschool programs assign one boy and one girl to take on this unique role. The children have to bring (actually, the parents have to send) a treat to distribute to the class for the Friday celebration. The children are the limelight of the pre-Shabbos excitement an have all the attention for the Shabbos party.

This role play is also a great opportunity for our children to enjoy being just like Mommy or Daddy. The Mommy lights the Shabbos candles and the Daddy makes kiddush. The children learn the correct blessings to say and mimic what we do in our own homes to welcome Shabbos. It is truly a beautiful way of engaging children in the meaning of this weekly routine of Shabbos.

The children are proud to bring home the paper that says they have been chosen and even prouder to go select the treat and bring it in. To top it all off, my son will be mentioned along with his Shabbos Ima in the Kindergarten weekly newsletter or the "Dear Parents" as we call it.

When I started writing this post, I was planning on being a lot more cynical. WHY does the teacher only tell me about it on Wednesday? WHY does my son leave the note in his knapsack and fail to mention it until AFTER I have done my Shabbos shopping? EVERY. TIME.

BUT after thinking more about it, I see the true meaning and importance of this traditional curriculum and my inconvenience is suddenly overshadowed by beauty and excitement for this "mitzvah." I am proud that my son is Shabbos Abba this week and that he is so excited about it.

I am EXTREMELY grateful to my friend Rebecca who heard during carpool that my son was Shabbos Abba and offered to pick up the treats (nut free facility, kosher brand cookies). You have made my life much easier this week! Thank you!

Siri, Almost 2!

I don't think any of my kids were quite like my Siri. At number four, she gets a lot of attention from the minute she wakes up, until she goes to sleep. The other kids play with her, make her "cuppy," feed her cereal and yogurt for breakfast, put her to bed (every so often), and take baths with her (if they are lucky!).

The older children are finally old enough to be helpful. They usually don't tease or bother Siri. Instead they parent her (sometimes a little too much) and care for her. I can trust them to watch her in the morning and while I'm busy doing something else. I can send them outside to the yard (gates closed) to run around and play. The older girls have learned responsibility by watching her.

This has made my parenting experience much easier, despite the fact that I have 4 (4!) children.

That's me and my big girl, Siri!

Siri is growing up so fast too. She repeats just about every word we say, runs around the house chattering, and has a little ponytail and curls that make her look like a big girl. Her sparkly eyes are curious and she loves to explore. She's a real pleasure tantrums and all. 

I'm truly grateful for all that we have.

Keeping Cool vs. the Emotional Wreck

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent. I'm street smart and can work well with others. I can negotiate deals and plan events.
But sometimes, I'm downright ditzy.
Today I took the wrong train. This is unfortunately not the first time I've done that. It's a slight inconvenience that costs me a lot of time. But it's fixable. There's a solution, a train that takes me back to my point of origin.
Today I decided to leave a few minutes early, hoping to shop for Shabbos. I apparently read the Penn Station board incorrectly (after 5 years commuting from NJ) and took a train that skipped the Secaucus transfer station. After arriving in Newark, I ran for the train back to Secaucus. Except the train skips Secaucus and goes straight to Hoboken. I needed that train, but let it pass because I was confused. Our track system is complex to say the least.
I finally found a staff member who told me to go to Hoboken where I could catch the train I needed home. OF COURSE!
My main question is, why can't I keep cool when I'm lost? As soon as I began talking to the man who WAS HELPING ME, tears began to flow. Slowly, but I couldn't control them.
I tried to keep my cool, but I lost it. There have been other, worse, more stressful train hazards and all of them make me an emotional train wreck (<-- intentional pun).
What happened to my put together, street smart negotiator? Where does she go when I board that train?!?

Kosher Tuna?

The other day I was in Costco shopping for the usual. You know, I was buying more stuff than I imagine we could ever finish. Yet somehow we end up in that store every week.

I picked out my items and headed to the checkout line.

Pro tip: check your shopping list before you leave!

I of course forgot one item on the list so I let the woman behind me go first as I ran back to the aisles to pick it up. The woman behind me happened to be a religious woman but I did not know her. She gladly accepted my offer and watched my cart as I ran.

When I went to my car to unload I found a container of tuna, the prepared kind. I knew I had not purchased that and as I examined it, I wondered what the odds were that I got a kosher tuna in my cart. Kosher! It must be from the woman ahead of me (the woman who should have been behind me)! 

I checked my receipt to make sure I did not pay for it then quickly finished loading the trunk, determined to find the rightful tuna owner. At first I considered posting the story on the local Facebook page. Maybe someone would claim it. Then I realized that I had seen her schmoozing as she left the store with another woman. There was a chance that she was still in the parking lot. 

On my first aisle, I found the two women yapping away in front of her car. I pulled over and asked her if she had purchased the tuna.

"Yes! And it is missing!" 

As I handed it to her, she asked me my name and she promptly replied, "I know you from online, from the local Facebook group!" I recognized her name as well and thus began a new Facebook friendship.  I am happy I tried to return the tuna!

I know this is a random story but it was just too insane not to share. All's well that ends well. :)

Earrings!

This past weekend we celebrated Arielle's eighth birthday. I am proud to say she has really matured beautifully. We told her that if she was behaved like an eight year old, she could get her ears pierced.

Thursday was the fateful day. We took her before her Sunday party so she could show them off to the whole family.

Words cannot describe the sheer joy and pride on Arielle's face when she saw those new earrings. Her face was literally shining!

I was proud of her, but I think she was equally proud of herself. To Arielle, pierced ears is an inauguration into maturity (even though many of her friends have had them since they were babies).
She is prepared to accept the challenge... which begins with her independent ear care!

Knapsack Nook! A Life Saver!

This school year I installed a new nook for the kids' knapsacks and shoes. The hooks are low down so the kids can reach. They are directly opposite the kitchen so they can grab their stuff and go immediately after breakfast. The nook is in the back of the house so the kids do not dump their things on the floor at the entrance. It keep my house clean and organized!

The new "hook nook" has eased my night time preparation tremendously and makes my mornings simpler. I now pack lunches directly into bags so they are never forgotten. I remember to check the kids' knapsacks for homework and sign the paperwork every night. I even remember to put the folders and loose leafs back into their knapsacks. I can't forget because I see the hooks as I leave the kitchen in the evening. The kids now have a place to put their shoes so they are never lost and we don't have to search for them in the morning. 

I can't believe it took me this long to think of it! Do you have a nook?

Kindergarten Switch

I have always believed in laissez faire parenting when it comes to class placement. I know many parents select teachers, peers, neighbors and friends for their children. Even though the school officially does not take requests, there are always some parents who "have connections" and call to get their way.

I strongly believe that the school knows all the kids and puts tremendous effort into determining the classes. My two older children have had good experiences with their classmates thus far (3rd and 1st grade). They are both well-adjusted children (thank G-d) and have been able to make and maintain friendships in the classes assigned to them.

Last week, my 4 year old son, Tzvi, started Kindergarten. Wednesday was orientation where mom and chid visit the classroom, meet the teacher and enjoy 30 minutes playing in the new classroom. Wednesday was the first complete day of school.

I was playing with my son at orientation when I overheard the teacher telling one mother, "Don't worry, we do not expect your daughter to know the ABC's." Then, "We hope the two young girls will play with one another - they will probably gravitate to each other." And the kicker, "This looks like a class that likes to do projects [rather than be active]."

After some inquiring and with the help of the class list, I discovered that there were 2 nursery aged children who were joining the kindergarten because the school did not have enough children to fill a nursery class. This meant that they were younger than the rest of the class. I then looked over the birth-dates and found that my son, a June birthday boy, was the second to oldest in the class. With the exception of those two boys, the rest of the class was Sept-next February babies. (I truly respect that the school felt a responsibility towards the nursery kids and did not just kick them out of the program entirely. Instead they found each child a spot in one of the lower classes and will place them in the older kindergarten classes in the coming school year.)

I know my son. He needs constant stimulation, constant action. He gets along well with older kids. He has always been among older children. He is verbal, active!, and a REAL BOY. How could he be placed in a class full of younger children?  

I was afraid he would soon lose interest in the class and start being mischievous (which he normally is not) or worse, aggressive towards the other kids.

I immediately called my husband and just broke down. I expressed all my concerns and frustrations never expecting to do anything about them. He told me I should not cry, I should protest! We decided I should call his teacher, Dana (name changed) from the previous year and ask her opinion. There were two other children in his class from Dana's nursery group so she would be able to assess if they were a good match and on equal footing. Dana felt that Tzvi should have been grouped with the older children and that I should certainly approach the preschool director with urgency to make the change before the first day. Sometimes directors (understandably) say, "try it" or "let's see how it goes." If I wavered one bit, Dana advised, the director would not make the change.

With that, I called the director (who was still busy with orientation) and left a message that it was urgent that we speak as I felt that she placed my child in the wrong class.

I was on the way to work in New York City but chose to turn back. My husband joined me as well (also from the city) and we decided to go to the preschool to have this conversation in person. Thankfully, the director was still in the building. She had my message on her "to do" list. But she was happy to resolve in person. I told her my feelings and mentioned that I always felt she did a good job placing my other kids but this was different. I was nervous he would develop bad character traits at this early stage when he realizes he is bigger and stronger than the other kids.

I know it is just kindergarten, but I wanted him to be with his peers rather than with nursery children. To her credit, the director heard our concerns and agreed to try her best to make a switch by that afternoon. She told us that there was no specific negative reason that my son was placed in a "lower class." There were no concerns after his interview. The boys in this grade skewed older while the girls skewed younger. This meant that they had to move more boys into the younger classes in order to maintain the ratio of boys to girls. This could be the reason for Tzvi's placement. She told us that she would have to speak to the English director and check the files of all the kids in the new class to ensure that it would be a fit for all. She had an idea but could not irresponsibly just move him. Then there are always logistics to consider. She had no cubby in the new class but perhaps she could place a hook and bin against the wall for Tzvi.

That evening the director called me back with Tzvi's new class. It was the one she thought would work earlier. She would personally move his possessions into the classroom and leave a bin for Tzvi's cubby. I could walk him in to school the next morning and introduce him to the new teacher and classroom. The director was extremely kind, taking the time to read the full class list to me to see if I knew any other students' parents. I did!

The next morning, Tzvi and I met the new teacher. She is experienced and well-liked. We met some of the kids. Many of the boys go to our synagogue and will be his friends out of school as well. Tzvi is now closer to the median age of the class with some older and some younger students. The boys in is class are older and more mature and he has already begun to play nicely with them. There is even one boy from Dana's preschool!

I know that the classes get mixed up again for the coming year, but I truly believe that I made the right choice for this year. The adjustment was smooth and the benefits are already evident. I hope that Tzvi continues to have a good and meaningful kindergarten year. He has matured so much over this past summer and I know that this year will be a year of growth and development. This is the best environment in which to make it happen.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Today my four year old Tzvi showed his truly mischievous nature. He did something that all parents dread. Something I have dreaded since the first day he learned to use a pair of scissors. 

Today, Tzvi shaved his head straight down the center. Like this:

He found Jeremy's trimmer in the bathroom and zip! While I was fast asleep. I heard nothing. I saw nothing. Neither of the older girls saw him either. 

I have a friend who chopped off her hair when she was about 6 or 7. Her mother found her in her bedroom with scissors and locks of hair on the carpet. I always thought one of my girls would cut a strand of her own or her sister's hair. I never imagined that Tzvi would attempt his own haircut. 

One day I will laugh more about this. I thought about hanging this picture up in his room as a warning and a cautionary reminder. 

All I can say is thank G-d for baseball caps!

p.s. post-fix up haircut pictures to follow.

Update 7/3: As promised, here he is after we "fixed" his hair!

I'm Terrible at Bedtime! Stressing (again).

I know that bedtime is the best time of day to share with my kids. It's the chance they have to tell me about their day. They should be cuddly and cute right before they head to sleep.
In my house, bedtime is a battlefield. There are songs and stories and some nights we have nice talks.
Mostly, I just want them to go to sleep. So that tomorrow morning will be smooth. So that the day will be easy and the kids amenable. So that my day can come to a close. So that I can sit down to dinner.
I'll admit it. I get stressed out and bedtime usually turns into a fight.
My husband has it down to a science. I think I need some tips.
It's more important to stay calm than to get them into bed on time. The only problem is that this backfires and I end up keeping the kids up WAY past their bedtimes.
Please share your tricks and tips!

Salute to Israel Parade

Can you spot my kids? Specifically Tzvi at 8:11:

Looks like they were having a blast...
-E